CHOCOLATE SALISBURY CATHEDRAL by The Finkle Writer's Room

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


They did it! They did the terrorist attack. Did you see it?



Terrorist attack? I didn't hear anything about a terrorist attack today.



How important of an attack was it if I didn't hear about it?


ISIS is working with Russia and they're sending British people a box of chocolate Salisbury cathedrals.


Yep....yep....yep...ok.


They're probably laced with POISON so whatever you do, DON'T open the box!



-gulp-



General, what did he say?



Ahh...I think the chocolate gingerbread house on the table was meant for my wife.

TALKING WITH ISIS by The Finkle Writer's Room

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


"Hello, this is ISIS. Whom is calling, please?"



Good evening, madam. This is General Panic with the United States Department of Propaganda and I was wondering if you could do us a favor, yes?



"Did you want me to pretend to chop off another head in the middle of the desert again?"



No...you were wonderful, by the way. But, we need to cause another distraction to keep the public busy. Can you do a little something, yes?



"Jamal, America wants another distraction. What do you got?"


Ahhhh. It says here, we'll need for somebody to shutdown the government first.



"Ok, we can't do nothing until you shutdown the government. Can you do that, General?"



I think we can arrange that. Thank you ISIS....Love you, bye now!

Inside the FINKLE Writer's Room (WHOOPS!)

Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


Hey guys, I'm calling to find out when you're going to make another blog? The audience might start thinking the show is over.



"Oh...you want another show, huh? We're doing a show in our own Finkle Community now and we forgot about doing this one."



Is that a fact? Your own Finkle Community...What does that have to do with Inside the Finkle Writer's Room shows? How do you think you got all those subscribers?



Yeah, ok. We might be able to do a couple of jokes for the blog show. 



Two jokes! Tell him I'll write them myself.



Better make that one joke. The audience is pissed off as it is, why make it worse.

HELPING RUSSIA by The Finkle Writer's Room

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


Let's all admit that our plan to make the president a 24 hour saint didn't go like we planned and we need to think up something else to distract the media.



Well, if nobody else has an idea, why don't we ask Krauss what he thinks?


Krauss, as you know we went with YOUR idea in the first place, and had the president pull the troops out of Syria. But, doing that is going to help Russia! We don't want to help RUSSIA, Krauss!



...the answer is very simple, gentlemen. We pick up the phone and call ISIS and tell them they won.



What? Tell the enemy they won? Why would we do that?



...have you seen the price of gas these days, general? ISIS sells oil and they're very very wealthy people. Yes, they chop off an occasional head or two....but that's none of our business, is it?



Somebody get the phone. This better work, Krauss!

LEAVING SYRIA by the Finkle Writer's Room

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


Gentlemen, we're here to discuss an urgent matter. Our current "president" is in hot water in the media and we need to change their headlines to something else.



"Why don't we go to WAR."


We thought about that a year ago, but congress won't let us invade anyplace that doesn't have oil. We have to think of something else!



...might I make a suggestion?



You know a country we can invade to fool the media, Krauss?



...the answer is simple, don't you see? We are in the middle of 5 wars currently, yes? The answer is...we simply leave one.



Leave a WAR? How in the Hell do we leave a war to fool the media and make this "president" look good?



...your question is unimportant. The president has the newspapers talking about his criminal actions. So, what you must do is make him look like a saint for 24 hours. If congress won't allow you to invade an oil-rich country, then we leave an oil-less country...like Syria, for example.



Hahahahahahahahaha! God damn, that's good.



Call the president. I think we have a way to get the media to bite another fish.

by Kamila Szalas

•  

• Kamila Szalas

(AQUAMAN) with Sebastian Finkle

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


"Please sir, the man in the restaurant wants to just sit there and talk about a movie and then leave quietly. And today he wants to talk about AQUAMAN. What's wrong with that?"


Yeah, I wanna know if this movie is good or not. It won't take long.


Listen here, why are all my kitchen crew so fascinated in this crazy man who never orders MY food? This isn't a library.


This wasn't a comic book...it was CINEMA!



 And my proof is the presence of Nicole Kidman. She plays the queen of Atlantis, who washed up on shore and has sex with the first man who found her. That's right...this movie is about female empowerment.



Aquaman (Jason Momoa) was simply a plot device to show us the REAL star of the film. Princess Mera.


Princess Mera is never in danger. She is first to do everything. In fact, she saves Jason Momoa twice in his own movie.


Princess Mera carries out the story and lets Jason Momoa stand there and watch her be the REAL hero.


Jason Momoa wants to leave Atlantis and thereby, NOT being Aquaman anymore. And Princess Mera convinces him to stay! Who does that except for the REAL hero of a movie.


But, if you want to see a movie about a man who gets a magic stick. It's about a man who gets a magic stick!


The film you paid for was to see Aquaman, and that was in fact, Princess Mera the whole time.


Genius, I tell you...genius.