I'm glad to have you back, honey. What did you write for the show tonight?
You think our audience wants a whole show on a conspiracy theory about comic books? Who's going to listen to guy talk about comic books for hours?
Hey everybody! Do you want to hear about my conspiracy theory about comic books? Just call in to 1-800-44-FINKLE. That's 1-800-44-FINKLE.
"Hello? Is this the guy on the internet? I want to know about your conspiracy theory?"
Well, see my theory is about the writers. Some people think SUPERMAN is Jewish because the writers were Jewish. And they're right in a way. Krypton is a metaphor for the place Jewish people had to leave.
"That's not a very big theory. I've heard that one before."
See, if you believe that Superman is Jewish, then ALL superheroes are Jewish! Because they were ALL written by Jewish writers. Batman, Green Lantern, Captain America, Spider-Man, Iron-Man, The Hulk, Thor...they are ALL Jewish.
"No, NO, NO! You take that back right now, mister! Captain America is NOT Jewish.
Follow the clues...it's all there. He first appeared in World War 2. He came back during the Civil Rights Movement. His greatest villain after 80 years is still a German Nazi. Captain America is introducing you to an acceptance of Judea culture.
"No! I have to stop this. In fact, if I had the money to buy the rights to all those comic book characters, I would make them the most NOT Jewish comic book people you've ever seen!"
Well, caller...Nobody has that kind of money.
"Oh yeah! I'll show you! I'll show you all.
In the name of Walt Disney, I will NEVER let any fictional characters be anything but racist Christians.
Stay awake. Don't got to sleep. Stay awake.
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